at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
