I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
