there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
