She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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