Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
