I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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