I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
