I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
