You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
