Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
