i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
