A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
