all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
