if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
