in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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