He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
