It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
