dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
