Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
