You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
