How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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