Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
