so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
