8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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