Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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