I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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