I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
