there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
