I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
