what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
