she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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