I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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