She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
