I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
