Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
