For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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