I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
tell me about the eggs
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
