I faked an abortion last night.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize