I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
