I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
