So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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