Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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