I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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