I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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