i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
