and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
