I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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