I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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