i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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