Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
