I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
