If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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