Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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