i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
