2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
