Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
