I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
