I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
