I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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