wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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